I’ve come a long way with loving myself. It has been a journey, still a journey, and I’m grateful for the journey so far! Allow me share some of the things I never liked about myself, but right now, I’M LOVING IT!
I remember the time I hated the way I speak. Why? I stutter alot. I was mocked for it throughout my secondary school years, sometimes mocked for it till date. I dreaded speaking in public, because when I am nervous, it gets worse than it is. I couldn’t get two sentences out without stammering, so I started writing out my thoughts (I guess that’s where my love for writing came up). I could express myself better in writing since the way I talk won’t let me. It took me time to accept my vocals the way they were.
I remember one time in the university, a lecturer gave the entire class a topic to present in class. What!!! I was super worried about how I’ll communicate with the class in 15mins without stammering. I’ve had training with public speaking thanks to my responsibilities back then at the campus church. I was fine with speaking in church, but in class??? Not much. The day finally came, I can remember praying seriously for help from God. I guess the first words I said was “Praise The Lord”😂 in class, and I just went on! I survived! Ever since, I’ve been somewhat fine with speaking in public. Till date, if I want to share a testimony in church, my heart beats faster than normal until I’m back in my seat. I need help seriously. I’m getting help. 😉 Now, I can laugh at the stammer jokes comedians make and not feel bad about myself. One of my campus president, Pastor Tobi Akinsola told me about Moses(yeah, I was familiar with the guy) he told me to read Exodus 4:10-11, I focused on verse 11. God made my tongue the way it is for a reason! Times I’d want to talk but due to some reasons I’d be restrained, maybe it’s God’s way of keeping me quiet and not saying the wrong words. Times I speak without stammering because God wanted the person I was talking to, to fully understand what I was saying. To His good pleasure!
I hated singing in public!!! Why? I thought I didn’t have this sonorous voice that calms the soul. I was called “Crocodile’s voice” when I was much younger. That’s changed now though. To make the matter not too pleasant, ALL my friends have this musical ability. So, when we are hanging out, and one person starts singing randomly, we(excluding myself) join in, and when I try to pitch in, I am always off key! 😭. To cap it all, one brother at my campus church then told me in clear words “Stop singing in church, it’s not pleasing to the ears, listen to your friend Yeni, she sings way better” I felt hurt and stopped singing in church for a while until my said friend talked sense to me. God bless you, Yeni. Honestly, sometimes I find it uncomfortable to sing in public. But hey, I’m loving my voice. God listens and that’s it!
The last thing I did not like about myself: my face!!! Okay, let me be specific.
I didn’t like my face because of pimples! I’ve always had pimples! Times they decide to give me a clear face for a week, time they choose to increase in size, times they choose to spread territory, times they get pissed at me for using treatment, it NEVERS works, they react badly! I’ve learnt to love them just the way they are. Y’all know LOVING ME by JONATHAN MCREYNOLDS, one line I repeat to myself when the pimples are having a feast on my face and they make me feel somewhat insecure, I tell myself “Even with the pimples on my face, I just wanna thank You for always loving me”
Next, I did not like my teeth! LOL. You know, more gum-small cute teeth😉. I was fine with it until God gave me a friend with perfect teeth! MoWunmi has this perfect smile! You know the kinds they use for toothpaste advertisements. I had struggles with that for a while until I accepted myself. It was crazy because I don’t like smiling in pictures with my whole teeth out and she’s right there beside me, perfect teeth😀. But right now, I smile with my cute teeth in pictures😁.
Now, I can boldly say “I am beautiful, I am loved, I am worth the wait, I speak life, those who hear my voice are blessed, I am God’s image, if you’re seeing me, you’re seeing GOD, (Genesis 1:27), I have been redeemed, I am not condemned, I was made for a purpose, I love my crazy vocal runs and awkward dance steps. Regardless of what people say, God was intentional about me, He’s still intentional about me”
Why tell this long boring sermon, I’ll be a year older come March 10 (that’s tomorrow💃)! Whoop! 🎂🎉Whoop!🎂🎉! I’m grateful to God for what and where He’s brought me from! I’m grateful to God for where I am right now! And I’m grateful to God for the amazing future He has in place for me, though I may not see the full picture right now, but I’m grateful still! I know all I’ve been through, what I’m going through right now, is preparing me for a beautiful tomorrow! So, I celebrate me everyday!
It’s worth being thankful for, yeah?
PS: if you are struggling with your identity or you know anyone struggling, kindly point them to Jesus, He’s the only One who can give you a secure identity, seeking identity elsewhere is dangerous. You can also talk with me if you’d like. Kindly send me an email to email@example.com, I happily await your mail.